I HATE MYSELF!!!

went to work by train tday, so much easier. anw that's not the point
sth pissed me off early in the morning. but am ok alr now.
nxt, i had a surprise visit from gary reed & remco from the ECC projects tday. also its the earth hour, so well my workplace did not switch off the lights of course.
&worst still when i reach work tday, this 3 guys were sitting at some table near the counter. when i was sitting somewhere to rest, one of the idiotic ones actually took my photo & he thinks i dosen't knw it at all. when i turn to look at him, his camera was apparently zoomed to my direction he wasn't quick enough to shift it to his friend's direction. asshole!

nxt, i ended work at 1am tday. went to bath & all. joey suggested to drive me back at arnd say 2plus?
but lin called. as she hasn't been to backyard, i suggested she come over to have a drink or so wif her friend. but bcos i dont feel like replying desmond's sms, i put my phone inside my bag. resulting to not answering calls as well. so when my home called at like 4am? i couldn't hear. &cause i was quite relax at backyard i too forget bout the time. when i reach home just now, i search frantically for my parents & sis. who knws? they went to the cemetry w'out me. FCUK!
but when i ask my mum the previous day, she said they wuld leave at bout 5plus in the dawn. i know i have no one to blame but ME! i shuld have went home. lin did apologize as she asked me to stayed when i suggested that i shuld go bck. but im the one at fault first. bcos i knw i need to go for sth yet i didn't had the initiative to go bck early. i hate my stupid self now. srsly! im changed! i no longer had a control over my time like last year! why is this so. i srsly hate myself! i was so god damn excited bout going to the cemetry bcos to me its an annual family bonding event. we wuld go over to drive my cousins & parents then head to my grandpa's grave when the sky was still pitch dark, then we'd pray and all. aftermath, we'll head to my grandma's do the same thing. after everything, we'll sit in the lorry to have beehoon cooked by my mum. I SO FUCKING HATE MYSELF! i promise this is the last time for my irresponsibility, from now onwards i must change! I MUST CHANGE! i must think twice bfore everything! immediately after i knw the shocking truth that my parents left w'out me, i went to the kitchen, to pray to my grandparents. i apologize to them & all. i knw it sounds really stupid/lame, but i really love them &really love to go to the cemetry. i've done it ever since i was young &nvr missed it. i just so feel like crying now! oh god! how i wish i can turn back time! STELLA YOU'RE SO IRRITATING!

i promise to change! i will! not in the mood anymore. nights! sorry for the lengthy post.