i dislike my girlfriends sometimes, they seem to be wearing a mask when facing me. everything they talk abt seem to be a lie to me. i couldn't make myself trust them &i dont knw why.
i always thought, joy was the one who caused me &linda to drift, but fact is linda &i both change
we both wanted different things in life.
we only live once in a life time. her aim of life was to enjoy the fullest, maybe try everything in this damn world. experience everything a girl should &thinks she has a good way of handling guys
whereas i have a different view, to me, since i only live once, i only see my parents this once, no matter how neglected i feel, we shuld always put our parents in the first place.
but lin always say, since her parents already neglected her why shuld she care? &she's sad that her mum is doing this to her. but think, if she on the other hand try her best to do what her parent wants wouldn't they be happy? which parents hates their child?
&i dont like telling joy things sometimes. she's given me the feeling that no matter what i tell her, one way or the other linda knows. &whatever happen to lin, joy would always be the first to knw
i would always have no idea of whats happening arnd my girlfriends
they told me, 've changed. &it was true i admit &more or less bcos i lost zy true to their guess
think, when i was with zy, i dont tell u girls things at all. everything 'm unhappy abt there's zy, he'll be there to teach me the correct way to think, to hack that both of u are on good terms bcos i have him! so after the break up, i kind of bottle things up inside me.
i knw we girls had alot of quarrel &we always promise to tell one another our flaws, but some kind of things really is difficult to spill out just like that. &although lin seems to try hard to solve the probs btwn us. she just give the impression that. only at that kind of crucial moments she gives a damn. or not her brain is all abt razif, achap, joy &dont knw who else. 'm not in them, bao is not in them
i really have no interest to continue having baobao, 'm tired, tired of people not giving a damn &i kept trying to bring us together! bcos all 4 of us are busy, we have our own world, we do things differently. worst still even though clar, jia &me are mre or less similar lin would always be way out frm us. i dont have the strength to carry on, dont have the heart to be in the grp anymre! i just wanted to give up. hah! why am i like this always??? i seriously hate myself!
even though 'm allowed to stay out late nw, i dont wish to mingle wif lin nor joy
bcos they can never once slack wif only we 3girls, there must always be guys guys guys!
joy &i still cn do it sometimes but lin seriously cant. no doubt she claiming i ain't spare tyres i knw i am. then she'll say bcos i chose to leave the grp first. if i dont feel this way would i chose to leave?
then she claims that she only contact joy when joy contact her.
well why do i sometimes see her taking the initiative to contact joy first?
i was upset that u girls didn't ask me to join usman's chalet. then maybe he didn't invite me &yayaya u girls cant decide, like u cant ask usman to invite me. &maybe usman invited but u girls kept quiet bcos u dont want me there, i really think alot. &i hate u girls sometimes so much i wish to slap the both of you.
i see joy making the effort more or less to go home earlier sometimes &'m happy wif her changes. we both have alot of time together sometimes too. i like joy &i seriously do. but i cant pull myself to trust her nt to tell linda whatever i told her. some things i just doesn't want lin to knw. bcos both of you have secrets too, so cant both of us have secret too??
&shit i want to cry now! i cant fucking cry in the office right? yes, hang in there
i hate to be a crybaby but i kept crying for mths during the night. i dont want to ask u girls or agn ask u girls to console me what soever, 'm so tired of this really so tired!
i just hope after i get to polytechnic, i find my own real true girlfriends who wouldn't leave me out leave me alone, i always love to be part of something to feel the importance.
i knw u girls tried, after the last quarrel we had. but how long did u girls tried? u were tired bcos i always rejected ur offer? haven't i really make the effort? i tried too u knw i really tried, but i just cant do it. i just force myself to hangout wif the guys i dont like. like lin dislike daniel &all so? she just only hang out wif them once isn't it? but i always hang out wif ur friends u get it? &if i ever want to leave joy wouldn't accompany me, u both are just like sticky glue stick together. if ever u want to leave joy would follow u. why is that always like this?
&i seriously mean it, after i really found my own grp i would mre or less want to leave u girls, bcos all u girls think was that 'm sensitive getting worst, yah i have an illness right?
but u girls dont understand my situation. u will never understand..